thy rutted music, filled with sync;
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Five years...
Seems like it's long.
But in fact,
It is very short.
So short that it is insufficient to cure a heart.
So short that it is insufficient to forgot.
So short that it is insufficient to... forgive.
I feel suffocated.
I don't know what to do.
Maybe God know.
No...
He know what I should do now.
God, the promise,
The promise of five years.
I'll never forget.
I guess,
This will be my last post here.
I wanted to disappear to somewhere else,
Where no one knows me,
And stay there for five years.
Try my best to forget everything.
After the five years,
Only did I will come back.
But I know, it wouldn't happen.
Awaiting,
Isn't as easy as you think.
Maybe most of you guys never experience it before.
But I'll tell you guys a fact,
Don't wait,
Because you don't know how long would it take for someone to respond.
Wait,
This four letter words,
Sounds sweet, sounds warm.
However,
It is cruel, it is heartless.
"Don't wait for the pain, only do you regret."
But I must make myself clear.
I have fallen too deep.
Too deep that it is too hard for me to stand up again.
Too deep that it is too hard for me to stop myself from waiting.
Too deep.. that I forgot what is pain.
Five years.
I promise to God,
I will bring her to you, but not for any other reason.
I promise to God,
I will be obedient, but not for her.
I promise to God.....
I will change, not for anyone,
Because I have grown up.
I choose to carry on with this narrow path,
Full of thorn, and brambles.
Because I know,
I must follow my promises.
In order to change anyone's view,
I must firstly, change myself.
Not to a human satisfying life,
Not to a evil cunning life,
But to you, Lord.
I don't looking forward for her answer.
Neither do I looking forward for any relationship...
Anymore.
I'll be faithful,
Towards my promises to God.
I don't mind how does others think of me,
I don't care about their reaction,
These are just what a human think,
But not what God think of.
I made a lot of sacrifices when the first time,
I met her.
God's will perhaps.
Because after knowing her,
I found that,
I have grown up,
In a different ways.
I'm not behaving like a kid,
Think like a child anymore,
Because of her,
I changed.
I must thanks God,
For the past one and a quarter of year,
That He grant me a chance to grow,
That He give me this chance to get known to her.
Now God,
It is the time that I must repay you.
I'm willing to give out my youth,
Just to bring her to you, Lord.
This is not for any reason behind,
But that, I feel I must save her souls,
And all of the others.
Thanks God,
For giving me this chance,
This wonder chance,
For me to grow in You.
And also...
For the first time,
I felt the burden of bringing suffering souls,
Come near to your eternal love.
This is what I always prayed,
And now, it had come true.
Because of God,
I have changed.
I'm sorry if my appearance to you,
Caused suffering in your life.
I know my apologies doesn't count.
I'm sorry, to puzzle your life.
My life, did changed...
I know I couldn't get back to the previous life.
But I have learnt to adapt to it.
Since we can't change the past,
Then we must change our view to it.
This five years,
You could hardly see me.
Hope that the next time we meet,
I will not be puzzling your life again.
Hope that you could find the one,
A better one,
That God had arranged for you.
You are the only one whom I have treated like this.
Thanks God for letting me to see my path,
Through you...
This post,
Shall remain forever...
Until I have fulfil my promise to God...
Sorry, and Thank you.
-I'm not worth for anyone to wait.-
Blog posted at 1:46pm, 18th May 2011.
--Closed--
-fusion of black&white
1:46:00 PM
thy rutted music, filled with sync;
Sunday, May 15, 2011
C-H-O-I-C-E
It's been such a long time since I had to face this.
I've not prepared yet
And I don't wish to face it.
However it seems like I had no way out but to make a choice.
I told myself not to fall into it again.
I prayed, I prayed lord to seal my mind.
But why, I had to face it again?
One and a quarter of year.
It's been tiring for me.
I keep on telling myself, I'll not. I'll not.
Too tired.
For everything.
Just for a little reply from you.
My mind is way way exhausted.
But why?
When I sealed my mind,
When I tempted not to think,
When I tried to forget.
There it goes.
It happened. As usual.
Maybe I was too silly.
Too silly to wait for you.
I must thank God for reminding me of it.
I MUST thank God for letting me to know what I should do,
and what I promised to Him, and to you.
In others' eyes,
I'm just too silly.
Do you still remember the promise we made?
How we meet, what had the both of me and you promised to each other.
Now, I'll not be the silly one, to stand there and watch.
I'll take my move, to bring you to God.
I'll hold the promise, till the end.
God, the almighty Lord,
If this is in Your will, please, I pray.
If I could, please allow me to do so.
However, not in my will, but in Yours.
If You allow, please grant me with wisdom,
Fill me with Your bless,
Touch my heart with Your promise.
Yes Lord,
Please, please let me know of what I should say,
What I should do,
To bring her to You.
Please give me the time of five years,
So that I could have bring her to You.
Lord, I promise You,
Just like what You had promised to us, the sinners.
May your power, your strength, your gospel, and your love,
To be known to the whole world.
In the name of Jesus, Amen.
I always asked people to face the problem,
to seek for the solution,
to be true to themselves.
However,
I'm the one,
Whom tempted to run away from all the difficulties I meet.
I'm not, the true side of me.
-fusion of black&white
9:52:00 PM
thy rutted music, filled with sync;
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Finally, I welcomed the last paper of maths...
Brain could actually derive most of the equations out from each another.
All thanks to the previous A-math paper.
:)
Phew, thanks that I got called up this morning,
Actually, I didn't study. :P
Surfed internet and a lot of stuff.
Still thanks for waking me up.
1:15+ reached school.
Hehe, played a lot of stuff outside the library,
And I just realized, our school CCTV, seems like nobody business..
No one cares even when part of us were doing silly thing in front of it.. :O
2:30, exam started.
Phew, left one blank~
Hope that I can at least get 95 and above for this paper 2 bah. :)
Thanks God for giving me such great wisdom!
5pm.. Hmmmmmm....
Going back now, sure jam..
Later bah~
Go and have some game of basketball first then say :D
Well well well.. Learnt a lesson today.
Don't play game with this kind of seriousness..
Is your leg okay now?
Rest well and listen to doctor, Mr.Pang.
Argh!!!!
My leg is soooo tired now... :(
8:15...
Still waiting....
8:45...
$%#^%$*%$%^
Finally you come. Stupid bus. Grrrrrrrrr....
8:50...
........................ When will you start moving???
9:00...
Thanks God, finally you moved.. :)
Reached home at 10:40...
WOW!
So tired..
And the water supply tried to shock me.
Bathing half way no water come out...
Glad that I'd, as in my family have the habit of storing pile of water.
No choice, but to use cold water to bath..
Poor thing.. :(
Almost bored to death on bus just now,
But thanks that I got phone with me. :D
Hahahahaha~~~
Now, I guess I have to recharge my energy already..
Before I'm too tired..
:)
历史性的一刻~终于临来了使用计算机的最后一天~
哈哈哈哈~
所有的数学都过了~好高兴哦~
头脑竟然可以这么容易的对待数学题，
都要感谢昨天那么神经病的高级数学了！
今早没睡过头~
谢谢你哦~
哈哈哈哈~
不过呢，要坦诚相待嘛~
我其实并没有读书:P
上网到处看看，找找资料~
对不起哦~ 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈
1:15++ 就到学校了
呵呵，和朋友们在图书馆外面干了很多事情~ :P
*注明：没有干坏事*
不过呢，学校的闭录电视没有人在管的~
他们在CCTV面前干了这么多的蠢事，每人理。。。。
2:30开始了~
只有一题，一分的不会做~
其他都马马虎虎拉~
这次我很肯定的说我能拿到至少95分！ :D
感谢主赐我这聪明的头脑！
5点，回去一定赛车的。。。
那么，我就先去打打篮球，消耗时间吧~
对了对了对了。。。今天学到了很很很重要的一个教训！
不要对比赛的胜负抱着太大的执著！看看吧，脚扭伤了吧！
好好休息，听医生的话哦！Mr.Pang!
脚好酸。。。
等了你30分钟。。还没到。。
8:45，你终于来了。。
8:50...还不要走？？
9:00..终于走了！好高兴！哈哈哈哈！可是我还要坐在你上面那么久。。。
10:40终于到家了！
可是，冲凉冲到一半，没有水。。。
:(
只好用桶里面的水咯。。
好冷！！
也好累。。。
刚刚在车上差点闷死~
还好我有电话在身边~
hehe~
我想，我也该去储存能量了，
就快累倒了~
感谢你的十字架
感谢你付上代价
洗净我罪和污秽
使我完全
次下奇妙恩典
Thank you for the cross, Lord
Thank you for the price you paid.
Bearing all my sins and shame
In love you came
And gave amazing grace.
-fusion of black&white
11:06:00 PM
